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"一年之計在於春", 通常個人或企業組織大概年度計劃都在過完舊曆年即展開執行，可是2020的春季卻被新冠肺炎這隻黑天鵝打翻了計畫。面臨全球疫情, 人心惶惶。有些人發揮同理心,照顧自己也照顧別人! 2020年朝邦對話新訊息春季刊特別邀請,李志強老師分享"同理心"的心得--希望你會感到"春天的存在! "

2020 朝邦對話新訊息春季刊
用同理面對焦慮，轉化困境

李志強/CNVC非暴力溝通培訓師候選人 (Certified NVC candidate)

時序進入2020年，世界以超乎預期的速度在改變著。隨著新冠病毒疫情的擴散，各地的人們都受到巨大的影響。當我知道人們被迫隔離而無法像過去一樣的生活，聽到人們承受著身體的病痛和失去所愛的困苦，甚至看見有人透過對無辜者的暴力行為來宣洩面對疫情的憤怒和恐懼時，我感到非常的悲傷和沮喪。

在八八水災之後，我和台灣一人一故事劇場夥伴們一起試著陪伴受災難影響的人們。當時我們知道災難會過去，我們總能找到方法重回日常生活的步調。然而在瘟疫蔓延的當下，我卻感到無能為力，不知道能做些什麼來支持需要幫的人，修復因此斷裂的連結。

今年二月初，我受邀在中國大陸的應用劇場社群中分享了一人一故事劇場運用在災後心靈陪伴的經驗。之後，又為來自台灣，中國大陸，香港，澳門，馬來西亞等地的朋友們進行四場線上工作坊。除了服務彼此之外，也特別著重自我照顧。我們也共同發想了當下可行的行動。於是，不同地域的朋友開始嘗試透過線上視訊會議軟體進行聆聽，同理與回演的服務。或是把同理與支持放入學校或是社會服務的現場。這只是我所知道的相關服務中的一小部分。在中國，非暴力溝通社群早已展開各種同理與關懷服務，而應用劇場社群也透過各種創作工作來協助疫區民眾度過艱難的時期。

非暴力溝通的創建者馬歇爾博士曾提醒，我們無法給別人我們自己都沒有的東西。也因此當我們想要同理他人時，我們需要先得到足夠的同理。當沒有其他人可以給予我們同理時，「自我同理」就成為十分有益的練習。

所謂的自我同理，即是試著以觀察者的角度來理解自身的感受和需要，而不會落入自我同情。以下是幾個簡易的自我同理練習，在我親身的經驗中，這些練習有助於平緩自己的情緒，並且找回控制感：

一、深呼吸。透過深呼吸和冥想，可以協助我們停下來放鬆並與身體連結。每一次吸氣時，可以冥想自己將能量帶入身體的某個特定部位；每一次呼氣時，可以冥想將代謝物(或壓力)呼出還給這個世界。每一次暫停時，體會著自己能夠有所選擇。

二、身體掃瞄(body scan)。將我們的注意力依次集中在身體不同的部位，連結身體的感受和感受所呈現的需要。當需要得到滿足時，我們獻上感恩並為此慶祝；當需要未能得到滿足時，我們陪伴著自己並且一同哀悼。然後我們可以試著做些小小的改變，以促進需要得到更好的滿足。

三、感恩日誌( Gratitude Journal)。感恩能夠增添我們的幸福感，書寫和創作則提供我們自由表達和轉化的機會。匱乏感是痛苦的根源之一，在受到各種限制的時刻更是如此。即便日常生活充滿各種壓力，我們也能選擇為一些小小的事情獻上感恩。我們可以為自己得到滿足的需要用適合的方式進行創作，並且品味需要得到滿足的美好。


四、定向練習。在《正念溝通》一書中提到了透過定向(Orienting)練習能協助我們回到臨在。靜下來觀察四周，讓眼睛帶著頭部和頸部轉動，去看眼睛想看的事物。留意那些吸引我們的事物，並駐足品味一番。如果你願意，也可以試著探尋那些滿足我們美、舒適、和諧、安全和活力的事物。

五、重設行事曆。通常我們在行事曆上寫著什麼呢？開會，上班，購物，送小孩上學等等。非暴力溝通認為，我們的行為是滿足需要的一種嘗試。為了協助我們的需要和行為有更好的連結，我們可以試著把現有的行事曆翻譯成為滿足需要的具體行動。此時我們需要探索幾個議題：我們做這件事情想要滿足什麼樣的需要？我們期待過程有什麼樣的體驗？有沒有機會滿足其他的需要或創造更大的價值？具體來說，有什麼行動能為上述的議題帶來正向的幫助？透過這項練習，我們可以把「打掃環境」改寫成為「創造與家人共處的溫馨空間」，而「到垃圾」則是「讓家裡變得更整潔，讓能再利用的物品有機會再度貢獻而減輕地球的負擔」。

馬歇爾博士曾說，一個人好好照顧自己，就是給世界最好的禮物。觀照當今的環境，如果我們好好照顧自己的健康，社會就可以把節省下來的醫療資源用來照顧真正需要的人群；當我們能夠好好照顧自己的心情，就可以更好的處理自己與他人之間的關係；當我們能夠冷靜下來，就能夠清晰地思辨各種傳言或資訊並從中學習。當我們準備好，就能支持更多的人。

願所有的朋友們都能平安吉祥。

「……我相信，在一場瘟疫中，因為恐懼而死去的人不比因為疾病死去的人少。」
「但是我現在的確感到害怕啊。瓦爾特一提到它的時候，我差點暈倒。」
「剛開始的時候我相信那的確讓人震驚，但是等你能夠平靜地面對它時，你就不會有事了。那是種並非每個人都能擁有的經歷。」
~~毛姆，《面紗》

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CP Yen Foundation Dialogue Newsletter, Spring Issue 2020 March
Face and transform stress with empathy

Jester Lee / Certified NVC candidate for trainer

As we enter the year 2020, the world is changing in a way we never expected. The spread of Coronavirus brings huge impact all over the world. When I see people being quarantined and could not enjoy their usual life style, when I hear people in pain from the disease and in despair from losing their loved ones, or even when I see people becoming violent in face of the virus and their anger and fear, I feel extremely sad and depressed.

After the severe flood from Typhoon-Morakot, I worked with colleagues at Playback Theatre to try to assist the affected households. While we knew all the hardship would come to pass, and our lives would eventually go back to our normal routines soon, but I still felt anguish at the time. I did not know what I could do to support those in need and repair thebroken connections.

Earlier in February this year, I was invited to visit China to share our experiences at Playback Theatre on working with victims after traumatic disasters. After that, I organized 4 online workshops for our friends in Taiwan, China, Hong Kong, Macau, and Malaysia. Apart from supporting each other, we worked on caring for ourselves. We also brainstorm on feasible immediate actions. As the result, our friends from different areas started to organize listening, empathy and playback sessions through online meeting softwares, or lend our support and empathy to schools and social services events. This is only a small parts of related services I know. In China, NVC communities have already initiated numerous empathy support and caring services. Communities in applied theatre also worked to help the residents in the infected areas.

Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, Founder of the Center of Nonviolent Communication, once reminded us that we cannot give what we don’t have. So when we are offering our empathy, we need to have empathy ourselves. When others cannot offer their empathy, “self-empathy” becomes a very beneficial exercise for us.

Self-empathy is to feel our own feelings and needs as an observer rather than being self-pitying. Here are some simple self empathy exercises. In my experience, these exercises help to calm our own emotions and become more grounded:

Deep breathing - deep breathing and meditation help us to stop, relax and connect with our bodies. Meditate and guide your energy into specific parts of the body. As you take each breath, imagine yourself breathing out your tension (or stress) to the world. Each time when you pause, be aware that you have choices.

Body Scan. Focus our attention to different parts of our body and connect to the feelings and needs of our body. When needs are fulfilled, express our gratitude and celebrate. When the needs cannot be fulfilled, we stay with the emotions and mourn for the fact. At the time, we can make small changes to help fulfilling these needs.

Gratitude Journal. Gratitude can enhance our feeling of happiness, and writing and creating offer opportunities to express and transform in freedom . Even as we face all kinds of stress in daily lives, we can be grateful for little things. We can create to fulfill our needs and experience the feeling of being fulfilled.

Orientation. In the book “Say What You Mean”, author mentioned the exercise of orienting can help you return to the state of natural presence. Be still and observe the surrounding. Allow your eyes to explore, move as your head and neck turn toward where your eyes want to see. Pay attention to the things that appeal to us and savor the experience. If you want to, you can try to explore the things that fulfill our needs for beauty, comfort, harmony, safety and energy.

Reset our calendar. What are the items we usually list on our calendars? Meetings, work stuff, shopping, dropping kids off to school. According to theories from Non-Violent Communication, our actions are attempts to fulfill our needs. In order to better connect our needs and behaviors, we can try to translate our calendar to actions that fulfill our needs. First we need to consider these issues: What needs are we trying to fulfill with these actions? What is the expected experience? Can we fulfill other needs or create more values? More specifically, what are actions for these issues that can bring positive help? In the exercise, we can modify the item “cleaning the house” into “creating a warm space to be with the family” and “taking the trash out” into “make the home cleaner, creating opportunities for the recycled items to be reused with leDr. Rosenberg once said, the best gift to the world is to take care of yourself. In face of what is happening in the world, if we take care of our own health, the medical resources can be used to treat those with real needs. When we can take care of our own emotions, we are more adapted to handle our relations with others. When we can calm down in ease, we can better distinguish the truth and learn from it. When we are ready, we can be more supportive of others.

May all my friends be safe and joyful.

"I believe as many people die from sheer fright in an epidemic as because they get infected."
"But I'm frightened now. When Walter spoke of it I almost fainted."
"At the first moment I can quite believe it was a shock, but when you come to look at it calmly you'll be all right. It'll be the sort of experience that not every one has had."

"The Painted Veil", W. Somerset Maughamsser burden on our environment>